Monday, July 28, 2025

July 27, 2025

This morning I finished reading The Varieties of Religious Experience. Again. The book – a series of lectures given by William James, a psychologist and physician, in 1902 – is a classic for good reason. I knew of the book long before I read it for the first time last year.  I found it so deep and so powerful that I simply read it again.[*]

The author applies the scientific method rigorously to the study of matters of a spiritual nature in the human psyche, their importance to the individuals who experience them and, through those people, to human society.

The author asserts that human experiences – religious experiences in particular – though unverifiable by ruler, scale, EKG, microscope or camera, are objectively real in that they have real effects on the people who have them and, by the individual and collective actions produced by spiritual experiences, real effects on humanity as a whole.  The fact that one learning of such an experience has never had a similar experience does not entitle a person of intellect and integrity to deny or discredit the described experience.   

James measures the value of such experiences by the degree of benefit to the person who has them, such as joy, discipline, and wholesome qualities and actions; and by the degree of benefit to humanity when such experiences motivate an individual to a higher state of integrity, wisdom and exemplary behavior.  Acknowledging the existence of extremism and psychopathy, James opines that, by and large, religious experiences serve the people who have themand humanity as a whole.

In the end – spoiler alert – James notes that anyone who at least respects human states of consciousness that are not limited to perceptions and knowledge of the physical world may come to recognize that such higher, spiritual states have a role in the evolution of the better world such states generally envision.

 

* The Penguin Classics edition is much better than the one I read first.

Monday, July 21, 2025

Choosing gratitude over self-pity

It's natural to want things, even to yearn for things; to want more and to want it now. 

It's even natural to feel justified - to feel entitled to have what one desires - and to express those feelings or otherwise to reveal them. 

However, particularly in a relationship, while honesty is important, it is at least as important to convey appreciation for what one has rather than to grumble or pout about what one lacks, let alone to blame one's partner for what one lacks.  

It is important to cultivate patience and perspective.

Imagine living with someone who often communicates wanting more, entitlement to more, and frustration or disappointment in not having more - more of anything, let alone more from you, particularly more attention, affection, effort, sex, or money.  

For the success and happiness of a relationship, it is important not to be the person who experiences such a complaining, entitled, frustrated, or blaming partner - and not to be that partner.  

As many have said, life is difficult.*  Not dwelling on self-pity, frustrations and disappointments, but instead cultivating and conveying, in words and deeds, gratitude for what one has is essential to a good life and joyful relationships.

 

* I recommend The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck, M.D.