We make our lives one decision at a time by what we think and what we choose to do, by the countless thoughts and acts we forego, and by constantly repeating the process in response to the effects of what we have done. The process rarely slows us down because we delegate decisions to a mostly subconscious caucus of personality, mood, values, habits, needs, fears, judgments and desires. Consciously or not, we do grow that way: success and, especially, failure are good teachers. Yet pausing from time to time to check the accuracy of our perceptions and the effectiveness of that subconscious caucus is helpful, even essential, to aligning our values and our actions, and thus for peace of mind.
Here, for reflection and journaling, are some questions in aid of that inward examination. Though being truthful with ourselves is essential, there are no wrong answers. Take your time. Take breaks. Take one section at a time. Return as often as serves you. Thank you for your courage in joining me in asking these questions.
I. Am I open to discovering within myself new ways to understand what I think, say, and do?
Do I want to grow? In what way or ways would I like to be wiser, more effective, and better able to find peace of mind today than yesterday?
Would it support my growth, including care of my time, health, and relationships, to make decisions more consciously?
For the rewards of growth, am I willing to bear its discomforts? The discomfort of questioning? Fear of sometimes being wrong? Fear of change?
II. Am I willing to examine my beliefs and values? How often? Under what circumstances?
What do my actions reveal about my beliefs and values?
In what ways have my past acts or present habits been inconsistent with my values and priorities?
Which of my actions and behaviors are so automatic, so habitual, that they aren’t conscious choices?
Do I tend to avoid reflecting on those actions or behaviors – particularly as to how well they serve me? As to how well they serve other people who are important to me?
III. Do I aspire to be a person of integrity? Am I willing to put my life where my mouth is?
Where in my life is there room for greater integrity and growth?
How aware am I of the ethical choices I am making?
Do I consistently do what my ethics require, or at least permit?
How carefully do I consider the ethical alternatives I perceive?
Do my ethical options vary depending on how likely what I do will be discovered by another person?
When tempted to do something inconsistent with my goals or values, how often do I create exceptions to my goals or values? How often do I modify my goals or values? How comfortable am I with my justification of such changes?
Am I more prone to yield to a temptation to do something inconsistent with my goals or values when doing so will diminish my awareness of my responsibilities, goals or values?
What does it cost me to fail to act according to what my values – my conscience – would have me do?
IV. Do I seek a balanced life, giving my family, friends and community at least as much as I take?
If my basic life needs are being met, are my taking and giving in balance?
Which – giving or taking – is my main motivation in a decision before me now?
Is what I am doing or about to do consistent with the give-and-take balance I wish for a fulfilling life?
V. About any good thing (including the absence of horrible, difficult or simply unpleasant things): do I feel entitled to that good thing?
On what basis do I feel that entitlement?
Am I more comfortable feeling entitled to something than admitting I just want it – or want to keep it?
Am I justifying what I want when I could be cultivating gratitude for what I have?
VI. Have I done the best I could see to do today? This week?
Have I consistently tried to understand what my options are, in attitude and in action?
Have I consistently tried to see the effects of my choices – what has worked and what has not, and why – and to learn from doing so?
VII. Has something within me – my inner self, an inner spirit – aided me in these reflections?
In what situations do I tend not to consult that inner self? Why is that?
Which of my values, habits, and ethical questions do I tend not to share with any other person, even those I most trust and admire? Why is that?
Under what circumstances is it more important to me to be right than to be happy?
