I have been reading a collection of early 20th century lectures by psychologist William James. The book is entitled The Varieties of Religious Experience.
In that book, Professor James talks about individual human depression of the darkest kind. It is very hard to read the first-hand accounts of losing both enjoyment of practically everything in life - the faces, touch and laughter of loves ones, freedom of movement, sunny days, self-expression, learning - and hope that the deprivation will end. It is horrific even to try to imagine such experiences and hopelessness.
One of James's sources is Leo Tolstoy, the Russian writer. Unlike many others, and despite years of avoiding situations that would make suicide easier, Tolstoy did not give up looking for aid in escaping the prison of depression. And eventually he found aid. He found aid in what he called God.
Today, mindful that none of us gets through Life alone, I imagine this message from the Holy Spirit within each of us:
"Whenever you find yourself in a dark place, a place of depression or seemingly endless grief, and all the ways out seem to be blocked, seek within yourself the will to find aid, to find grace, however small or brief the grace may be. Persevere, and you will find aid. You will find grace, be it, at first, like drops of rainwater from the ceiling of a dungeon. A crust of bread in the dark. A memory of a special moment. Persevere in seeking grace, and you will find more and more of it, enough to free you. Each time you find grace - indeed, each time you look for it - I will be close by."
