Am I paying attention to the distinction between facts and perspectives?
In this situation, what are the relevant, objective facts?
What is my perspective on the facts?
What are key others' perspectives on the facts?
Am I doing my best to understand and honor others' perspectives, and others' right to their perspectives?
The crossroad: I feel needy, yearning for something, sorry for myself.
That way: ignore good things → focus on need or yearning, on “if only,” on blame of others → feel entitled, self-righteous, stuck → feel cranky, frustrated → find fatigue, conflict, misery.
This way: remember that I’ve been here before → remember one good thing, then another → think how easily and quickly life could be much, much worse → focus on good things → remember good things about people → focus on good things about people, not on blame → remember good feelings from looking outward, gratitude, compassion → cultivate gratitude and compassion → find joy and peace. No circumstance has changed except my awareness and my focus, but life is good again.
Humans are just one of many, many species of creatures living on this planet - each species a miracle. Each of us is just one of many, many members of the human species, one of those miracles.
Imagine the human species as a single human body.
Now imagine yourself, and every other person living at any given moment - approximately eight billion - as one cell in the body of humanity.
Doesn't the health, the very life, of that cell depend on the health of the body of humanity?
Doesn't the health of the body of humanity depend in some way and degree on the health and function of each of its cells? Bone and marrow cells, muscle cells, brain cells, nerve cells, blood cells, skin cells, immune system cells, digestive and reproductive organ cells: the life and function of every kind of cell depends in some degree on the life and function of each other cell.
Given the individuality - the personality, intellect, experience and circumstances - of each person, this thought experiment is useful if we ask ourselves, "What do I - what does my one cell - do with my life within the body of humanity?"
The answer, for me, is essentially to appreciate, and carefully steward, the gift of life and the holy spirit of Life, however named. To practice self-care and seek to grow. To cultivate gratitude for being part of the body of humanity, for the kindnesses of others to me and to humanity. To select consciously my purposes and functions within the body of humanity, generally and in detail each day. To examine with care and humility how I can best fulfill my chosen purposes and functions. To do the best I can see to do to fulfill those purposes and functions as long as I live, being grateful for the opportunity. To respect – to love - other people and be grateful for their efforts, given their circumstances and challenges, to fulfill their chosen purposes and functions. Never to interfere with other people's wholesome purposes and functions, but rather to encourage and assist them when I can. And to do what I can see to do, particularly when it is uncomfortable, to prevent or reduce the interference by some people with other people's health, freedom, and pursuit of their wholesome purposes and functions.
Or do we?
From this proposition, do we except our judgments about our friends and loved ones?
Do we want our friends and loved ones to accept themselves as they are except where we would prefer - except where we would be more comfortable if - they were different, or their aspirations were different, or their choices of residence or companions were different?
If so - if we want our friends and loved ones to at least try change in ways we'd like them to be different, or to make choices we'd like them to make - are we honest with them about that? Are we at least willing to admit that our exceptions to their being unconditionally lovable are our issues, not theirs?
We want our friends and loved ones to be well, happy, and fulfilled not just because we hope their circumstances are wholesome and interesting but because, whatever their circumstances, we want them to be happy with themselves. We want them to accept themselves as they are, and as they strive to become, whatever the judgments of others, individually or societally, about them may be. We want them to be confident in themselves and their abilities and strengths, while benignly accepting the foibles and weaknesses of themselves and of others. We want them to experience love often every day and to understand the importance of creating conditions for others to do so.
Is my uniqueness not enough to give me - and others - confidence that I am different from every other person and no less inherently important and valuable than any other person?
If my uniqueness is not enough to give me confidence that - background, aptitudes, training and experience aside - I am no less inherently important or valuable than anyone else, what deficiency or deficiencies do I perceive in myself? Where did my perception of that deficiency or those deficiencies come from? Why and how much do my perceived deficiencies matter?
Background, aptitudes, training and experience again aside, do I assume that other people have fewer, or less significant, deficiencies than I do, so I have to compensate, or compete to be as special - preferably more special - than others?
If I feel that way - isn't that essentially a feeling of insecurity? Where did that come from?
Do I have to fix all my perceived deficiencies to accept myself?
Might it work better to fix myself by accepting my perceived deficiencies?
Might it work better to accept myself as I am - to love myself, while accepting I still have lots to learn - and to focus on my strengths and my opportunities to grow and contribute?