Investments and relationships

In relationships, as in nature and business, 
one cannot produce fruit without first planning, planting, nurturing, and waiting.  If one is lucky, the fruit is proportionate to the effort.  
One can't draw interest without earning it: making a deposit and waiting - and even then the interest is dependent on the one entrusted with the deposit and proportionate to the amount deposited.
One can't get a life-sustaining return without first choosing, investing, and waiting - and the return depends on the wisdom of one's choice, the amount invested, the level of commitment to the investment - and grace.

Duty or opportunity

Does my universe - Life - ask a lot of me?
Or does it simply give me abilities, opportunities to use those abilities, and the capacity to form opinions about the proper stewardship of those abilities and opportunities and I mistake my own opinions - my self-imposed duties - for external demands? 

Life

Life: The acceptance of challenge, travail, pain, unfairness, disappointment, frustration and the need to forgive as the price of health, growth, vitality, fulfillment, peace, joy and forgiveness.

Efficiency vs. laziness

There is a difference between efficiency and laziness.  Sometimes it is deceptively small.  But, fundamentally, it is always big.

Examining today's choices

Like every other cell in the body of humanity, I'm going to die someday.  
Am I willing to examine how I use the gift of each day, mindful that it might be my only opportunity to make my last impression?
If so, is the balance between contribution, growth, fun, exercise and rest a healthful one?
If not, what am I afraid of?

About sharing

What is the purpose of sharing something?  

Is my sharing to control others, however benignly: to educate, advocate, warn - or show off?  To introduce a concept or event and explain it, or my perspective on it?  To point out a window, so to speak, and describe all that I think my listener or reader needs to know about what can be seen from it?  

Or is my sharing to convey esteem for the listener or reader, build our relationship, and learn?  To point out the window, briefly share why I think something I perceive from it is worth sharing - something revealing, beautiful or important - and invite the other to look through the window and draw her or his own conclusions and, perhaps, to grace me with her or his perspective?

November 16, 2014

When I seek to grow, or to increase my contribution, or when I am troubled, 
and I ask myself a question, 
where does the answer come from?

Tribes

Call them what you will – family, circles, parties, clubs – we all belong to many groups, or tribes. We gather, spiritually or emotionally, if not physically, around things shared: family, ethnicity, beliefs, political views, neighborhood, state, region, nation, language, sources of shared experiences or values such as school, college, work, military and other public service and myriad activities – politics, study, sports, art and pure fun. We usually gather around what makes us feel comfortable, or at least right, including what we value, what we reject and, seeking support, what we fear.  This is completely natural.  However, these choices, like so many others, are worth examining. 

What is more important to me: comfort or growth?

Does what binds me to one person require separating myself from another?  Why?  If it is my value system, what is the source of that system?

When values conflict, how do I decide what is most important – what yields and what prevails? Is this process working for me? How does this process – conscious or not – affect my relationships with others?  How does it affect my experience of my own value? How does it affect my stress level?  My productivity?   
Are my values and their dynamics – my priorities among my values – working for those I love?  For my community? For the health of the planet as a habitat for humans and other species?  

Concerning public values, also known as public policy, am I willing to distinguish between what I want for myself and what I think is best for society – from my town to all of humanity?  How willing am I to seek to understand others and to accept others’ views, including other tribes’ views of values that are important to me, as worthy of respect?  Am I willing to stand up to members of my tribe when I believe they are mistaken, let alone acting irresponsibly or unethically?
 

In relationships between tribes - between people and nations - is it more important to be right or to be happy, or at least at peace?

Modesty

Part of being smart is preparing for when we are stupid, or merely forgetful.
Modesty is a good start.

Dreams

Freud said, "Dreams are the royal road to the unconscious."

If only more people were willing to go there.

The leaf

The leaf.

 

We spring - along with many others - from the branch of a tree.  We live.  Nourished by, and clinging to, the tree, we grow.   We wave in the wind.  We provide shade.  We take in the sun.  

 

We contribute to the health of the tree - a family tree. The human family tree, even the tree of life, if we take the long view.

 

We are beautiful - often especially as our fall approaches.  Sooner or later, though, we let go - or are torn away by storm or accident - and we fall.  But, though no longer alive, green and growing, no longer connected to the source, we are still part of life.  We still exist.  We are still a part of a larger source of which the tree from which we sprang was itself - as great as it is - only a small part.  And, in our withering time, we can still give back: we fertilize the source that gave us life and the leaves that follow us. 

October 26, 2014

For me, Meeting for Worship consists mainly of gratitude and questions.  Often the answer to a question is a question -- sometimes a series of questions.

My most common question is, “what of God can I bring to this moment?”  Today, the answer comes in just one word: grow.

Then come these questions:

In what ways do you want to grow?

In what ways do you think you should grow?

What is holding you back?

Is it fear of responsibility?

Ah.

Hiding from service

I have accepted that I am selfish.  However, since I profess to strive to serve others, this question matters: what am I doing to avoid, or to distract myself from, the troubles of the world or from what I could be doing about them?

Being a saint, briefly.

"Why would anybody want to be a saint?"
"Become a saint and find out."
That question, to a Hindu guru, and his answer have stayed with me for many years.  I am all for learning by experience, but the answer seemed so daunting as to be evasive.
 
Now I see that that answer, that invitation, need not mean a change of career or of faith or a commitment of years, let alone a lifetime.  The first two definitions of "saint" in Webster's Unabridged Dictionary (2nd ed.) are "a holy person" and "a person who is exceptionally meek, charitable, patient, etc."  One doesn't have to be religious to be a saint.  One can try it for one day, an hour, or even, by some gesture (or restraint), a moment.  Whenever we choose kindness for its own sake, we have the opportunity to learn why one would want to become a saint - again.

Life is choices: let's choose well.

Life is one choice after another, ideally - but hardly always - conscious choices.  The choices start with and, consciously or not, return again and again to one's attitude.

When I feel weary, when I feel lazy, when I procrastinate, what is my attitude?  In particular, to what extent is my attitude self pity?  Self pity - feeling as though I should have something more, or different, than I do - is toxic in any dosage.  It is a kind of self righteousness.  Self pity tells me that the way things are is not right, or not enough.  It rejects what is right and the good things which are plentiful and, to that extent, undermines peace of mind, gratitude, happiness, energy and motivation.

(In my office, I keep a copy of Unbroken, Laura Hillenbrand's riveting story of the late Louis Zamperini's travails - an understatement - during World War II, as a warning to myself against, and an antidote to, self-pity.)

September 21, 2014

Being an instrument of peace may be a habit, but it is never an accident.

To be an instrument of peace requires intention: navigation toward that goal, vigilant attention to one’s situation and opportunities, reassessment of one’s values, and moment-by-moment adjustments.

It calls upon us to choose what is most important: commitment to peace, to one’s community, and to spiritual growth – our own and others’ – or avoidance of discomfort and, ultimately, even survival.

Impulses, appetites and judgments.

Impulses, appetites and judgments.
Can I accept that there is an endless supply of each of these?
Can I accept that each impulse, appetite and judgment requires a conscious or unconscious decision as to whether and how to act on it?
Do I accept responsibility for each of those decisions, making more and more of them with awareness of what I am doing and the values I am applying?

Modeling love.

To love is to model love, which is to be a leader, which is to take on responsibilities. Fortunately, the rewards of loving are great and enduring.

September 7, 2014

This morning, a leaf outside the Meetinghouse window caught my eye.  It was dead.  It had separated from the bush from which it had grown and was hanging from a spider’s thread.  Edge on, it was almost invisible.  When it caught the sun, the leaf shone brightly.  It twisted in the wind dozens of times in one direction, then in the other, over and over for many minutes until its gossamer hawser broke and it fell just now.

It has been said that no leaf falls in the forest but God knows of it and wills it.  I do not believe that God is a conscious being Who plans and wills every such event.  But I do believe that God is the Law of Life, the collective laws of nature, including physics, chemistry, electromagnetism, thermodynamics and gravity, which govern the universe and everything in it.  I believe God is in human nature, too.

I believe that each manifestation of the laws of nature is a creation, and an agent, of God – including us.

Economics of life

Math of life 101: "Enjoy each day to the max."  
Economics of life 101: "How can I deepen my enjoyment of life?"  How well do I use my twenty four hours?  How much time is allocated to the basics of survival?  How much is allocated to finding and maintaining a peaceful balance of health, growth, time alone and time with others, service to others (including work, family, community and life on earth) and play?  How much is allocated to improving the quality of my life, including my capacity for service?  To appreciating my blessings?  To developing and honoring my values - in particular to keeping my promises?  To keeping physically fit?  To keeping emotionally and spiritually well?  To seeing and, when appropriate, taking life's opportunities?   
To pure fun?
How much of my time is allocated to dealing with my troubles and challenges?  To helping others deal with their troubles and challenges?  To escaping from troubles and challenges?
How much is allocated to seeking the approval of others?  To doing things out of fear, not choice?  To doing things with resentment?
How much of my day is allocated to deepening my understanding and appreciation of others?  To enlarging the number of others I seek to understand and appreciate? To expressing my love and appreciation of others?
How well is my allocation of time serving me?
How well is doing this, right now, serving me?
How conscious am I of the economics of life?

For what am I training?

For what am I training?

 

My body is 65 years old and will probably never run another marathon. My mind is slowing, too. My memory seems like a sieve.

  

But, whether I have twenty hours or twenty years left, I still have contributions to make. Just the opportunities for courtesy, encouragement and kindness are unlimited.  In addition to health, it is well worth staying in training for those opportunities.

Thinking before speaking

Is what I would like to say going to put an unjust burden on the person to whom I would like to say it?

August 17, 2014

The fruit of the tree of the perception of good and evil tastes different to every person.

When love is greater than our perceptions of good and evil, understanding and reconciling our different perceptions becomes possible.

August 10, 2014

We meet for worship: praise, thanks, prayers for forgiveness, pledges of devotion and obedience.

Praise, thanks, prayers for forgiveness, pledges of devotion and obedience.

Today I imagine the Holy Spirit saying, 
“Oh, will you please shut up?”

“Listen.”

“Ask me good questions and take the answers out into your life.”

Good living

The relationship between money and good living and the relationship between status and good living are shallow and deceptive. 
The relationship between a good reputation, based upon real integrity, and good living is deep and true.
The private relationship between inner peace and good living is the most direct, profound and desirable.

Choosing love over wishes

"Love one another."
In what way is love to be expressed?
Not, surely, in any way possible. Then judgment asks "what is possible?"  Desire can turn that question into a search for - even an obsession with - how to make the desired expression possible.
Love is best expressed in the way in which it will most clearly and completely be experienced by the other - partner or child, friend or stranger - as unconditional love. While we must be true to ourselves at all times, when love calls for compromising, or even giving up, our wishes in the moment - when it calls for choosing love over wishes - the compensation for choosing love is growth and the peace that comes from being true to our deepest values.

Commitment and temptation

In a relationship, especially marriage, what temptations do I commit to resist for the sake of the relationship?  All but the ones that are really, really hard to resist?

One way temptation clouds judgment

A great temptation comes when the approval or love of another is accompanied by the invitation to do - or even appears conditioned on one's doing - something one wishes were appropriate.

Though we see the future dimly, we can be bright about the present.

For me, it's not possible to act unselfishly.
It's not possible to act without error.
It is possible to act with love, intelligence, perseverance and the best balance of goals - our own, individual others', and society's - we can discern in the moment. 

Responsibility

Note to self:

Don't do anything for which you are not willing to accept full responsibility and all consequences, including inaction on other things.

July 20, 2014

I don't know much.

In particular, I don't know much about God.

For all I know, God is the ninety percent of our brains that scientists tell us we do not use.

All the living creatures in this world other than humans seem to live their lives, however brief, fully without concern about God's existence, approval or assistance.  Yet still we seek that which is more than we are -- call it what you will -- and brings us values, inspiration, the perception of understanding, and peace.

For a long time, I have enjoyed finding spiritual messages in songs.  One of my favorite messages is from a song made famous by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville:

"Don't know much.  But I know I love you.  That may be all I need to know."

July 13, 2014

It is said Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” [John 14:6.]

It is also said Jesus said, “He that believes in me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.” [John 14:12.]

Sixteen hundred years later, George Fox said, “There is that of God in everyone.” 

We nurture that inner divinity and our capacity for contribution, even for great works, by truth and commitment to its discernment, by discipline, by creativity, by love and by service – which is, after all, a form of love.

The kindest thing?

What is the kindest thing someone has ever done for me?
How did his or her doing that make me feel?
Why did it make me feel that way?
What can I learn from that now?

Loving unconditionally

It is easy to love.
It is not easy to love without conditions, judgments or control.

Management by wandering around

"Management by wandering around" is long-recognized, modestly-titled but respected approach to business management.  The idea is for the manager to see what's really going on, and to get to know people, on the factory floor, in the design studio, on the loading dock, in the cafeteria, and in their offices or cubicles.
Management by wandering around - bringing one's attention to otherwise unvisited parts of one's body and life - can be an equally useful approach to growth and health.
Of course, it's also just paying attention.

June 22, 2014

Spiritual messages are everywhere, when we look for them.
My favorite appears often on signs that help us find our way:
"You are here."

May 25, 2014

About this Meetinghouse. 

About this place of worship and of fellowship among seekers. 

There were concerns nearly thirty years ago about the wisdom of acquiring this place.  There have been concerns from time to time since then about its care and sustainability – and now is one of those times.  The life of a structure is like a human life in this sense: dust to dust – but what a miraculous, marvelous time in between, with travails and joys, loneliness and moments of ecstasy.  This building has seen much and served well in the approximately ninety years since it was built by seekers in this neighborhood.  We should sustain it so long as it well serves the spiritual life of this Friends’ Meeting – its members, their families, and visitors – and no longer.

The right way will appear.

Thanks for peace

Even if I am working hard, every moment of peace is a moment of comparative rest.

May 4, 2014

A brief, imaginary dialogue.

“Holy Spirit, what have you done for me lately?”

“How big is your world? 

“How great is your patience? 

“How deep is your perception? 

“How sincere is your humility?”

“Holy Spirit, I don't want you to answer my question with questions!”

“Then I suggest not asking a question you are able, but too lazy, to answer yourself.”

Cells in the body of humanity

Imagine each of us is a cell in the body of humanity.

Some cells in the body carry signals to and from the brain, where other cells process and store those signals.  Some cells carry essential oxygen to other cells, some stretch and contract, allowing motion, and some detect and fight harmful cells.  There are many, many types of cells in the human body.  There can be dysfunctional cells in a healthy body.  In fact, cells die and are replaced constantly.  But the health of the body depends on the extent to which its cells do their jobs well.

Each of us has a role, a function, a job to do in the body of humanity.  But we are free to decide what that role, that function, that job will be, over the arc of our lives and in each moment.  We are free to decide how to contribute to the heath of humanity.  There are countless ways and opportunities to do this, from the smallest act of kindness to the greatest act of courage; from persevering in traditional values and service to leading toward new ways of thinking, cooperating and caring for each other and our world.  We can spread health through education, generosity and discipline; joy through play, entertainment and culture; justice through responsibility, truth-telling and mercy; and peace through love, understanding and forgiveness.

 
Let us choose well and do our jobs well.

April 13, 2014

What do I fear?

Mistakes, embarrassment, pain, loss, grief, diminution of my capacities, death - all these will come.  Fear of them aggravates and prolongs suffering and robs me of peace and joy.

What do I fear?

With love and the Holy Spirit, I can handle anything.

Gratitude and perspective

A secret of happiness is the constant cultivation of gratitude.  It helps to focus on what one has that is good and could be much worse and not on what one has that is disappointing.  Which can be the same thing, viewed differently.

March 23, 2014

Recent discoveries in astronomy have been mind-boggling.  Roughly thirteen million years ago, the universe began with a Big Bang at a point – where?  About a trillionth of a second later, waves of gravitation – some divine afterthought? - went out from that point.  Since then, the universe has been expanding at an ever-accelerating rate – into what?   
If the entire planet earth were as dense as a black hole, its diameter would be seven tenths of an inch!   
My reaction is, “Dear God, you have a lot of explaining to do!”

Today, the response I get is,

“No.

“I don’t owe you anything. 

“I gave you life and the opportunity to make of that gift the best you can see to do. 

“I gave you tools with which to work: the tools of physical capacities and the senses,

the tool of intellect, and the tools of emotion and compassion.

“I have no explaining to do.

“You have a lot of learning to do.”

March 2, 2014

There is so much trouble in the world. 

It is natural to ask, “What can I do to alleviate troubles in the Ukraine, in the Central African Republic, in Venezuela – or in our country?” 

It is natural to be discouraged sometimes. 

But there are a couple things we can do.  First, we can refuse to permit discouragement to keep us from doing what we can where we are.  Second, we can practice peace.  We can strive to increase our capacity to contribute to peace; to think clearly, to speak truthfully, and to act with integrity, courage and love whenever and wherever we are called.

Goals: nourishment or escape?

I am selfish.  I cannot be selfless.  (See my 1991 essay.)  But I do aspire to a life of service; to be the best example to my daughters and the best representative of my family and friends that I can be; to live up to my countless blessings.  So, when I form a personal goal, big or small, I will try to remember to ask myself whether pursuing that goal will nourish my capacity to serve that of God which is in every person or will simply be an escape.

Justice

Pure justice is like pure oxygen.  It is extremely difficult and expensive to produce.  Most people and organizations are simply unable to produce it.  Most people would have a hard time recognizing it – and wouldn’t know how to use it well, or even safely, if they had it.  But, like the oxygen in the air around us, mixed as it is with other gases and some pollutants, there is much justice all around us if we are willing to accept it in its natural form.

The math of life

We cannot know when our last day of this life will come.  Illness, accident and tragedy strike without warning.  However, if one enjoys every day as much as possible, when the last day comes, one can know that one has had a life of enjoyed days.

Being easily amused

Being easily amused is its own reward.

Resilience

Practice resilience.

Resilience is a combination of acceptance, creativity and perseverance available to every person through reflection, values and choice.

Like a muscle, resilience can be developed.  Exercises include finding reasons to be grateful; forgiving oneself and others; caring for one's health; serving others; and finding humor and beauty in the way things are.

Intelligence, wisdom, integrity, courage, charisma, commitment, kindness and even love are more potent when protected by resilience.

Practice resilience.